Always Know Where the Bathroom Is

It's long occurred to me that there just aren't enough blogs. Millions of people expressing their mundane thoughts for all to read, while my mundane thoughts go wasted. Well, no longer! Besides, some people really hate blogs. And anything I can do to contribute more hate to the world is cool. I mean, not let's-kill-each-other hate. But, like, Dane Cook hate. And let the record show that I was hating Dane Cook well before it was cool to hate him, before he started counting Octobers, before he was famous, really. People used to try to tell me he was funny. Well, look what you've done. I hope you're happy with yourselves.

But I digress. There's a reason for us to be here (that's not as deep as it sounds). It seems to me that there are any number of things in life that you should know that no one is ever going to sit you down and teach you. For instance, no matter the situation, no matter where you are, you should always know where to find a bathroom. When you have to go, you don't want to be walking around like a lost child, begging strangers for directions. You want to stride confidently to your destination, do your business, and move on with your day.

Picture this: you're at a conference for whatever it is you do for a job, the CEO is droning on and on about graphs or mission statements or whatever, and you have to go. But you don't know where the bathroom is. So you try to quietly ask someone else, but several people are going to hear you and now people are staring at you, watching you leave the room. And if it's #2, you'll be gone for an appreciable amount of time and they'll all know.

Now, same scenario, only you know where the bathroom is: You leave, and return 10 minutes later, having happily dropped your deuce, with no one the wiser. And if anyone asks, you can just tell them you went for a smoke or to call your bookie or something cool.

Which guy do you want to be?