Non-Stop Fox

I watch TV. I used to think I watch too much and maybe I do. But I must be watching the wrong things, because in recent years I've found myself more and more detached from the "cool" shows. This is perhaps a function of my policy of not watching MTV or E! Fox, however, has some fine programming. I can't tell you how much I miss Celebrity Boxing and the Man vs. Beast specials. And now we're back in American Idol mode. Apparently my mother gets involved in pools at work and I know she harasses my sister with all sorts of questions, because, well, she just doesn't understand. Me, I only watch the auditions because I enjoy watching Simon tear people apart and the occasional arguments between the judges. It's been a staple of every season I've watched (maybe three or four, I don't really know).

This season, though? Not so much. And it's disappointing. This season too much time is being spent on the human interest stories of the contestants and even more time is being spent on the people who are there just to be on TV. I realize that's been a large contingent of their auditions since the beginning. But never quite like this. A. They're giving these people exactly what they want. Invariably, each season, at least one contestant is featured on the local Fox News about some "wild" thing they did or said in New York. B. They're just not entertaining. The best part of the show used to be the people who legitimately thought they were good, only to find themselves getting torn apart by Simon. And then they'd cry and swear and say stupid crap like "You'll see, I'll make it, Simon! You don't know!"

And another thing. Has Paula Abdul ever once said no to someone that both Simon and Randy said yes to? Seriously, every single contestant that gets through gets a yes from her. What's the point? And if Randy votes yes first, it's almost a guaranteed yes from Paula. And we still haven't had an episode with Simon walking out on the auditions, I always enjoy that. All in all, it's been a fairly subpar season. If I really cared I'd be outraged. And would have written that much more.

But that's not all! Fox has also given us The Moment of Truth. Brilliant concept, absolutely horrendous execution. Contestants have to answer increasingly more personal, potentially family-destroying questions and they have to answer honestly or they lose whatever money they'd have won. Sounds great, right? Well, no.

After each question is asked, the contestant mulls it over, stares at his friends and family who are watching nearby, and then answers. I mean, they're personal true/false questions, there's nothing to mull over. And then after they give their answer, some Eletronic Female Voice From Above says, "That answer is..." and then pauses. And pauses. And pauses. I think there was a 20 second pause tonight at one point. You know, to build the suspense. The problem is between all the suspsense building, the obligatory getting to know the contestant and his family, and questions between the questions designed to build to the next question, AND (I know, it just keeps going), explanations by the contestants for all their true answers (this is almost as annoying as the contestants on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? who would have to tell us some random bit of trivial nonsense about them or their friends or family to explain why they know what an answer is or isn't. You know what I'm talking about. End Tangent) you end up with like 15 questions being asked in a one hour show.

Tonight's show, meanwhile, was hyping the show as you watched. I can understand running commercials all week, but they spent the first seven minutes tonight recapping last week's show and hyping this weeks. We're already watching! The first question tonight was asked at 9:08 EST, and then they went to commercial. I mean, I'm watching this show to see people's lives collapse around them. We need more of that and less hype. And then there was the in-show hype. As I already explained, once a question is not answered truthfully, the contestant is done, one strike and you're out. So while hyping everything, they show multiple questions being asked to the same contestant! Let me break this down. They are trying to build the show around the suspense of the answers and the reactions of the contestant, their family and friends. But before each commercial break, they hype questions to be asked later in the show of the same contestant. So if you know that John Q. Contestant is going to be asked, let's say three specific questions, then you know that when he answers at least the first two that his answer isn't in doubt! They spend so much time editing this crap to be suspenseful and then blow the suspense to hype the show when we're already watching it!

I can't wait till next week. There's nothing I enjoy more than being unnecessarily annoyed for an hour that I could easily avoid in the hopes of being entertained by the misfortunes of others.